Discover Conan O’Brien’s Los Angeles: A Cartographic Adventure

If you, like many, are a regular listener to the Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend podcast, particularly the Summer S’mores series, you have undoubtedly heard Conan joke about the vast distances and difficulties he faces in traveling from his Westside home to Sona Movsesian’s residence in Altadena. Conan humorously exaggerates the journey of just over 30 miles (52 kilometers for the rest of the world), claiming it requires booking passage on an ocean liner, hiring a sherpa, and changing camels no fewer than three times.

From a car-free vantage point in Silver Lake, both neighborhoods appear distant, but it is Conan’s neighborhood that is harder to reach on foot, by bike, or using mass transit—the modes of transportation favored by regular, non-showbiz folk. Listeners outside of Los Angeles, while accustomed to Conan’s occasional exaggerations, probably have little grasp of Los Angeles County’s geography.

The Geography of Los Angeles

When I first arrived in Los Angeles, I asked an Angeleno friend if we could walk to the beach after perusing the racks at Poobah Records. He said, “no,” because Pasadena wasn’t within walking distance of the beach. My reasoning, influenced by the song “The Little Old Lady (from Pasadena)” by Jan & Dean, was flawed. I assumed Pasadena was close to the beach because Jan & Dean were a surf-pop band.

A walk from Pasadena to the beach would take a mere nine hours and fourteen minutes, plus breaks for food, water, and bathrooms. This anecdote underscores the vastness of Los Angeles, which stretches 139 miles from the southern tip of San Clemente Island in the south to the northern tip of Oban in the north, and 74 miles from Decker in the west to Mount San Antonio in the east.

Conan’s Los Angeles

As Los Angeles’s official neighborhood czar and fantasy cartographer, I felt compelled to create a map of Conan’s Los Angeles for listeners unfamiliar with the city. Conan’s Los Angeles includes places where he’s lived, places where his offices have been located, studios where he has recorded television programs and podcasts, and neighborhoods where he likes to eat sushi. It does not encompass the entire county, which is literally larger in size than Qatar, Jamaica, Lebanon, and Puerto Rico.

Although Conan travels the world for Conan Without Borders, there is no record of him visiting many places within Los Angeles. Most Angelenos haven’t either. No shade, but most Angelenos couldn’t even locate many of these places on a map. No prize awaits anyone who can. With the aid of this map, you can now hopefully comprehend the perils of Conan leaving his Westside home to head to the San Gabriel Valley and back again.

Eric Brightwell’s Cartographic Journey

The map is fan art. I do not claim to own, have invented, be endorsed, or affiliated with either Conan O’Brien or Conan the Barbarian. Eric Brightwell, an adventurer, essayist, rambler, explorer, cartographer, and guerrilla gardener, is always seeking paid writing, speaking, traveling, and art opportunities. He is not interested in generating advertorials, cranking out clickbait, or laboring away in a listicle mill “for exposure.”

Brightwell has written for Angels Walk LA, Amoeblog, Boom: A Journal of California, diaCRITICS, Hey Freelancer!, Hidden Los Angeles, and KCET Departures. His art has been featured by the American Institute of Architects, the Architecture & Design Museum, the Craft Contemporary, Form Follows Function, the Los Angeles County Store, Sidewalking: Coming to Terms With Los Angeles, Skid Row Housing Trust, the 1650 Gallery, and Abundant Housing LA.

Brightwell has been featured as a subject and/or guest in The Los Angeles Times, VICE, Huffington Post, Los Angeles Magazine, LAist, CurbedLA, Office Hours Live, L.A. Untangled, Spectrum News, Eastsider LA, Boing Boing, Los Angeles, I’m Yours, Notebook on Cities and Culture, the Silver Lake History Collective, KCRW’s Which Way, LA?, All Valley Everything, Hear in LA, KPCC’s How to LA, at Emerson College, and at the University of Southern California.

Brightwell has written a haiku-inspired guidebook, Los Angeles Neighborhoods — From Academy Hill to Zamperini Field and All Points Between, that he is trying to get published. If you’re a literary agent or publisher, please contact him. You can follow him on Ameba, Duolingo, Facebook, Goodreads, iNaturalist, Instagram, Letterboxd, Mastodon, Medium, Mubi, the StoryGraph, Threads, TikTok, and Twitter.

Our Advice on the City

For occasional travelers, exploring Los Angeles can be daunting due to its vast size and diverse neighborhoods. We recommend starting with a visit to the iconic landmarks such as the Hollywood Sign, Griffith Observatory, and Santa Monica Pier. Use public transportation where possible to avoid the notorious traffic.

For expert travelers, delve deeper into the lesser-known neighborhoods like Silver Lake, Echo Park, and Los Feliz. These areas offer unique cultural experiences, vibrant street art, and eclectic dining options. Consider renting a bike or using ride-sharing services to navigate the city more efficiently.

In conclusion, Los Angeles is a city of contrasts and vast distances. Whether you are a casual visitor or an experienced traveler, understanding the geography and planning your journey can enhance your experience. Reflect on the humor and exaggerations of Conan O’Brien’s travels as a reminder of the city’s unique challenges and charms.